Homesickness

Thoughts about Homesickness

Most people will have felt homesick at some time in their lives, perhaps when they were younger, and it is easy to forget just how overwhelming it can be.

Beginning life at college naturally generates both excitement and anxiety for many reasons including the move, academic responsibilities, and meeting new people. For some, this apprehension is quickly overcome as they adapt to a new environment; for others the transition takes longer and sometimes emerges as homesickness where there is a preoccupation with home-focused thoughts. There is a yearning for and grieving over the loss of what is familiar and secure: most often it is about the loss of people - family and friends - but it is also about the loss of places, pets, and old routines.

Those who experience homesickness might notice an increase in depressed feelings, anxiety, obsessive thoughts and minor physical ailments. Homesickness can often be distinguished from depression in this way - in depression sufferers find both college and home awful, whereas in homesickness university life can feel awful while home may be seen through rose-tinted hues. Some students will start by being mildly depressed and anxious several weeks before leaving home, in anticipation of the impending change. Others will be fine initially, and then to their surprise find themselves feeling homesick later in the academic year, perhaps after the Thanksgiving or semester break, or even at the start of their second academic year. But commonly it is the first few days or weeks after arriving at the university that tend to be the most difficult.

If you are homesick, you aren’t the only one on campus feeling that way. Talking with someone about how you are feeling often helps, whether that is with a gryphon, a friend, other members of a therapy group, or with a counselor. Hopefully you will feel free to call the Lehigh University Counseling Center at 83880 to explore your options there.

Maybe I’m Homesick?

SIGNS

If you are experiencing homesickness, you might notice an increase in:

  • Low energy or motivation

  • Trouble sleeping

  • Increases/decreases in appetite

  • Feeling like you just "don't care" about anything

  • Having difficulty with school

  • Increased use of drugs or alcohol

  • Obsessively missing family/friends

  • Phone bills beyond your budget

  • Pervasive unhappiness or displeasure

  • Feeling like you "need" to go home

  • Lack of interest or involvement in new surroundings

  • Depressed feelings or constantly feeling close to tears

  • Frequent nervousness or social anxiety

  • Obsessive thoughts and inability to concentrate

  • Minor physical ailments

  • No longer enjoying anything at college, even though you used to

  • Feeling like everyone else is happy except you

CAUSES

  • The distance from home – the farther you go, the worse it may be

  • A sense of anticlimax – you have finally arrived at college after working toward it for so long

  • Unhappiness when things are different from your expectations of student life

  • A heavy workload

  • Students who are homesick often feel they have no control over their environment, recognize they are not yet identified with the place, and do not feel committed to the university or their place in it

WHAT MIGHT HELP?

  • Talk to someone. If you haven't yet made friends here, then try a tutor, supervisor, chaplain, nurse or counselor.

  • Keep in good contact with the people you have left behind; arrange a time to go back to see them, perhaps after a few weeks. But also give yourself time within the university to begin to get involved here. Don't let looking back actually hinder moving forward.

  • Remember that many other students will be experiencing similar feelings, although you may assume that they are doing fine!

  • You are allowed to feel sad and homesick! You are also allowed to enjoy yourself - it isn't being disloyal to those you miss!

  • Be realistic about what to expect from student life and from yourself. Establish a balance between work and leisure: you are NOT expected to work ALL the time - you would soon burn out if you tried. On the other hand, if you don't put in enough time on work, you can very quickly get behind, which only adds to the stress!

  • If work is proving too difficult, you may need to improve your study skills or your organization of time. There may be people in the office of Academic Support Services or Dean of Students who can help in this area.

  • Remember to get enough food and sleep! These affect you emotionally as well as physically.

  • Make contacts and friends through shared activities such as sport or other interests. There are so many clubs and societies within the university and locally, that you are very likely to find something that suits your particular interests. At the start of the academic year many new people will be joining - you are unlikely to be the only new person.

  • Give yourself time to adjust - you don't have to get everything right straight away. Nor do you have to rush into making major decisions about staying or leaving.

  • Check out what you do really want to be at this university, in this college, studying this subject, at this time. Most people come through times of homesickness and go on to do well and enjoy their time at university. But for some, the best choice may be to leave and head in another direction. Those who do leave mostly find another course or university with which they are happy, perhaps after taking a year out. But if you are thinking along these lines, you need to take expert advice about the academic, career and financial implications. In addition to the advice of valued family and friends, make use of campus resources such as your gryphon, someone in Career Services, your advisor, a dean, or a UCPS counselor.

  • If you stop being able to do normal social and academic things, seek professional help either from your advisor or dean or the counseling service. Don't wait until the problems have grown impossibly large!

What if none of this stuff works?

Talking with someone in the counseling center is very likely to help. If you find that you are having continuing trouble adjusting, or continue to feel homesick after a reasonable amount of time (4-6 weeks), we invite you to meet with one of us.

If you would like to further discuss this issue with a counselor, please contact the University Counseling and Psychological Services at 610-753-3880, ask the receptionist to help you find a time to meet with a counselor, and we will be happy to work with you.

*Special thanks to University of Cambridge, University of Montana, and YouthNet UK.